who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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