I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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