And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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