I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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