My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
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Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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