I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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