No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
