you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
