The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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