I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
