dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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