Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Randomize
