I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
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