this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
