peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
