she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
