I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
