Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
