so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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