saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
