Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
