hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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