I am spending my child support on dildos
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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