Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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