i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
