yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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