did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize