my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
