Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
