i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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