I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
