I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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