they need to just BURY HIM!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
