u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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