You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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