i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
