jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
