Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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