I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
