I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
