I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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