hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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