I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
