Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I want to fling myself into the sun
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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