Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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