would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
