My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
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I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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