I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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