i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
