At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
