you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
