My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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