So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i need some magic done to my vagina
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
