My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Green mimosas i think yes
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Someone signed my nipple.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
