i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
