well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There's even glitter on my cock...
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