His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
