A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
