you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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