The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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