Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
