I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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