Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
