We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
