i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
