Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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