My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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