You work out of a Hotel?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
