how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
