also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
