Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
