ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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