Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
