Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
